What can we do to grow our club membership? How can we get the younger guys involved? What would appeal to the unaffiliated men in the community at large? Each year these questions become a presentation at a convention, leadership training, or regional retreat. One would think that after talking about essentially the same thing for the last dozen years that we would have overcome this challenge.
The Standard Suggestions
You’ve heard them all before. Host a breakfast for the dads dropping their kids off for religious school. Invite the guys out for an evening at a popular brewery. Try something physical like a hike or a bike ride. Don’t forget to have a fun sporting event like a golf outing or axe throwing. Browse the Torch Awards database on FJMC.org. Lastly, when all else fails… just ask them what type of event they would come out to.
Can you see the common theme from these suggestions? You have been focusing on the events, as if there is some golden idea for an event that will win over all the guys to become active men’s club members. Events are important, but they should not be the focal point.
This Ain’t Your Zayde’s Shtetl Anymore
Let’s go back in time to a more tribal era. I’m not a history buff, so I’m not going to give you exact years or locations. Use your imagination here. We used to live in close-knit communities. All of the people and families of the town knew each other. They all got their food from the same place. The children were all educated in the same place. The townspeople were all of the same religious background. All of your friends lived in your town. You knew these people from childhood into old age. You all lived life together.
Okay, get in the DeLorean and come back to the present. Today, we have a lot more things competing for our time. Consider all of the small circles that members of a family might belong to: traveling sports teams, friends in the neighborhood, the kids’ school friends, your work buddies, friends from the last community you lived in that you still get together with because you live less than an hour away, your bowling league, your golf buddies, your poker pals, your foodie group, the game night crew. I’m sure you can think of more, but what is the common theme here… FRIENDS.
Put On Your Friend Glasses
An event may bring a guy out, but friends are what will make them come back. Did you see all of those examples of social circles that men can choose from today? Why should someone join your club of guys they don’t know that well? If you want to grow your men’s club, try thinking of your target audiences not as potential members but as new friends.
How Do You Treat Your Friends?
How can we take all of the great things that men’s clubs already do, but now do them like a group of long-time pals would?
- Friends pickup the phone — we can’t just send an email blast, hang up a flyer, or post to Facebook and hope our message will be seen.
- Friends remember important dates — birthdays, anniversaries, etc. What can you do that is above and beyond adding a shout-out in the monthly club newsletter?
- Friends carpool — help the guys figure out who lives near each other so they can bond on the way to shul or an event around town.
- Friends check-in — how many absences do you wait before doing a well-check on a member to see if they are okay?
“Community is where they know your name and miss you when you are not there.” -I can’t remember who said this, but I love it.
- Friends dive below surface talk — We need more Hearing Men’s Voices sessions, and they need to not feel like you are doing a mandatory team building exercise with your coworkers.
- Friends offer support — Job loss, divorce, loss of a loved one, medical conditions, general advice, mentorship, borrowing a chainsaw. Make sure your new friends know that they have club friends to turn to during difficult times.
Wrapping Up
I’m not saying that you are doing anything wrong with how you have been going about things or that your events are not great ideas. What I am trying to say is that if you want that new guy who came out to your axe throwing event to become an active member of the club, then put on your friend glasses in how you go about nurturing this relationship so he doesn’t feel like just a number for your headcount.
I believe it was Reb Rodney Dangerfield who once said “if the roast beef is right, they’ll be back”. I say “if you treat him like a friend and become a genuine friend group then he’ll never leave”.
This article is dedicated to my friends of the Anshei Darom Region of FJMC. Thank you for teaching me about men’s club, FJMC, and why I’ll never want to leave. In loving memory of our friend Steve Krodman Z”L.
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